Demosthenian Literary Society

Minutes of March 21st 2013
Presented on March 28th 2013
The meeting was called to order at 7:15
There were 4 first time guests, 3 returning guests and 1 alumni present.
Mr. O’Brian was selected as critic.
In programs:
We had The Historian’s Address. Ms. Abdulhadi presented her report on the period of desegregation at UGA and the Societies less than stellar involvement in it to put it mildly.
In reinstatement of membership:
The prodigal son Mr. Hall returned to the society, having been lost he was found and welcomed back in.
In petitions:
We had Mr. Gabe …

Minutes of March 7th 2013
Presented on March 21st 2013
Ladies and gentleman as you may be aware, the government is undergoing some very large cuts to itself. Never fear though eventually our friends in DC will probably figure it out and when they do the money will start flowing again. When that does happen I figured I would suggest a few projects I would like to see funded.
1. My face being added to Mount Rushmore
2. NASA
3. A NASA program to rain meteors down on other meteors (The revenge of Earth)
4. Pokemon
5. …

Minutes of February 28, 2013
Presented on March 7, 2013
From the desk of Shea Cotton
Ladies and gentleman I’m sure many of you, like me, spend most of your time worrying about what the future holds for you. Well spoiler alert, I recently was able to get a glance into what the future holds for all of you and so here is what each of you will be doing in 10 years.
Ms. Abduhadi: Photographer for Vanity Fair specialises in tasteful nudes
Mr. Alden: Rasputin Impersonator
Ms. Beck: First female senator in a sex scandel
Mr. …

Minutes of February 22, 2013
Presented on March 1, 2013
From the desk of Shea Cotton
Ladies and gentleman I am here to talk to you tonight about something very important. It’s time Demosthenians for some very tough love. You see everyone you all have a terrible problem. You are some of the absolute worst moochers there are. You come into this world, with all its business opportunities and demand that you should be able to enter the market with competitive skills? How dare you believe such nonsense. You should to what that …

Minutes of February 16th 2013 (The All Night Meeting)
Presented on February 21st 2013
From the Desk of Shea Cotton
Good evening ladies and gentleman. If you’re here, then congratulations you survived the ANM. Now Ladies and Gentlemen, I must admit that this morning when I woke up I had no idea what to write for the minutes tonight. Normally I’m expected to write something funny, and light hearted for you all to enjoy. Unfortunately for us all I’m afraid there is nothing humorous about what I will share with you all tonight. …

Minutes of February 14th 2013
Presented on February 16th 2013
From the desk of Shea Cotton
Ladies and Gentleman, tonight is the All Night Meeting where Demosthenians young and old come together to celebrate the passage of another year without having burned the Hall to the ground. I will do my best to keep this short because let’s be honest, you don’t want to listen to me, you want to listen to yourselves and hopefully donate money.
When I sat down to write these minutes I realized that this would be the largest audience …

Minutes of February 7th 2013
Present on February 14th 2013
From the desk of Shea Cotton
[funny story goes here]
Good evening Ladies and Gentleman. I’d like to welcome and thank all of you for forgoing your dates and joining us here. Actually who am I kidding, if you’re here its because either you have to sit on the bench or you’re single. Just because you’re here though doesn’t mean you’re not without hope. Historically Demosthenians have been among some of the most romantic and loving people at the University. …

The Minutes of January 31st 2013
Presented on February 7th 2013
From the Desk of Shea Cotton
There once was a very cruel dictator. He would go into foreign bananas and bring back cumquats. He taxed his own people and made them give him geese as payment for farming the land. Finally, some German young dildos got fed up and organized a protest. They fought the oppression by carrying signs that said the dictator was a Bow Tie. After many years of revolt, they finally sporked the dictator. For punishment, he had to …

The minutes of January 24th 2013
Presented on January 31st 2013
From the Desk of Shea Cotton
Ladies and gentleman, most of you are aware that I am a kind and caring soul, which is why whenever I see children playing happily in my yard I tell them to get off my lawn because I made my Mexican yard workers work for several hours to ensure it was edged properly. And so ladies and gentleman when The Red Cross Mafia finally tracked me down and called asking if I would be willing …

Minutes of January 17, 2013
Presented on January 24, 2013
From the Desk of Shea Cotton
[funny story goes here]
Ladies and gentleman, last night I sat down to do my work. However, I soon realized I didn’t really want to and decided I would be much better off waiting until tomorrow. Procrastination often gets a bad rep around here but it can be harder than people think. Last evening I quickly exhausted all my usual methods of procrastination and so ladies and gentleman, in order so that you should not befall …