Demosthenian Literary Society

By Emily Crawford
In my current work as a Peace Corps Volunteer, almost every day I give short, informal health presentations called charlas about simple things people can do to improve their health and prevent diseases.
But rather than use this forum to discuss my greatest achievements so far, I would instead like to share one of my greatest failures. This is not onlybecause it is more comical and more interesting, but also because I have always believed, especially at DLS, that you learn the most not from your greatest successes, but …

I, Mr. Chris Hansen, promised to open every meeting with a narrative. I was going to tell you about the members who took me up on the offers I made in my election speech, but they made …

We began the meeting by inducting three new members: Mr. Hogan Bassey read two essays, one described his childhood in Nigeria and his first taste of Beer.
Miss Sadie Royal warned of the perils of Facebook addiction, …

Last night was that meeting that we all adore, the one that only comes once a year—the beloved Oration and Declamation, a night of stunning oratory, stupefying wit, and self aggrandizing B.S.
Mr. Williamson …

We started off the meeting with Committee Reports. During finance committee reports, it was noted by Mr. Elliott that most academics are just whores, and then by Miss McFarland that whores are special.
Mr. …

We began the meeting by inducting Mr. Brian “Hot Legs” McGuire into the society after his excellent speech summoning Demosthenians to criticize everything. He may get more than he bargained for.
Mr. Weiss then presented
BIR: Whereas if one does not believe in …

After the longest finance committee report ever, Mr. Theiss presented in old business:
BIR,
The society shall except the recommendations of the Constitutional Committee; by ratifying the revised addition of the Constitution.
BIFR,
The constitution will take effect for the election of officers …

Mr. Duffy began the meeting with
Be it resolved: Every person must realize that by accepting and subscribing to the body image promoted by the media, they are in part responsible for causing body …

The president began the meeting by convening the 203rd anniversary of the Demosthenian Literary Society. We had three speakers, Dick Yarborough, syndicated columnist, Jim Virga, photojournalist, and Marsha Campbell, curator of the Robert …

We inducted our first new member of the semester, the lovely Miss Ashley Wilkinson. She regaled us with a tale of Northern bigotry as a justification of the use of Damn Yankee in the …